The evolution of political parties in America

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by luvtohunt.com, May 24, 2005.

  1. luvtohunt.com

    luvtohunt.com Guest

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    Evolution

    Division of the human family into two distinct political groups
    began
    some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands
    of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains
    in
    the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster
    in winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention
    of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
    get
    man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization
    and
    together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
    distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
    beginning

    of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
    invented
    yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
    waiting
    for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
    That's
    how

    villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
    night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of
    what is
    known as "the Conservative movement."

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
    live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's
    and
    doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
    beginning
    of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually
    evolved
    into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
    cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
    concept
    of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
    that
    conservatives provided.

    Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the
    largest,
    most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
    symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
    prefer
    white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
    their
    beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
    fare.


    Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women
    have
    higher testosterone levels than their men.

    Most social workers, criminal defense attorneys, personal injury
    attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
    therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter
    rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
    provide
    for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, prosecuting
    attorneys, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
    medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers,
    athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside
    government.
    Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want
    to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
    producers
    and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
    Europeans
    are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
    liberals
    remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
    crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of
    trying
    to get MORE for nothing.
     
  2. 1gsplover

    1gsplover Super Member

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    :lol: :D :lol: :) Too good! The title kinda made me avoid reading it for a couple weeks... my loss. Thanks.
    ///olde 8) pharte///
     

  3. Drop-Shot

    Drop-Shot Super Member

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    Good stuff Kelsey,keep em coming.Drop-Shot