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Evolution

Division of the human family into two distinct political groups
began
some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands
of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains
in
the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster
in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
get
man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization
and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning

of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting
for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's
how

villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of
what is
known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's
and
doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning
of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually
evolved
into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
concept
of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that
conservatives provided.

Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare.


Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women
have
higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, criminal defense attorneys, personal injury
attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter
rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, prosecuting
attorneys, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers,
athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside
government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want
to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of
trying
to get MORE for nothing.
 

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:lol: :D :lol: :) Too good! The title kinda made me avoid reading it for a couple weeks... my loss. Thanks.
///olde 8) pharte///
 
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